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What to Do When Affirmations Don't Work

1/16/2019

12 Comments

 
 
The problem with affirmations is that sometimes they don't work. For me, it has always been because I didn't believe them. I'd say something, and immediately experience cognitive dissonance.

Today, let's take a look at how to resolve that, so we can use affirmations in all the ways that do work...

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Figure Out How it's True


One way that affirmations can go wrong is having a sense of disconnect as you say or write them. You think, "well, that's not true!" and no amount of repeating them connects with you in any way after that moment.

Because of that kind of experience, when I was in my 20s, I decided that they don't work. But I gave up too soon. The trick is to find the truth in them. And then, practice telling yourself the truth.

When you have a bill you can't pay, saying "I am wealthy" will create cognitive dissonance. If you want to practice being wealthy, this is not the way to do it. Because lying to yourself will never work. Tomorrow, I'll give you some ideas about how to work with something that's not true yet.

But meanwhile, if wealth is the issue, I would choose an affirmation that is true. "One way or another, the bills get paid," and "I have paid my bills at every income level," then "being wealthy would make paying bills even more fun." After that, you have set yourself up to dream about the future, which I will say more about tomorrow.

Find a way to make it true. If you want to be better at taking care of your house, but right now, there is clutter everywhere, don't start with "I keep my house perfectly clean and tidy," even if that's where you want to go.

"I love my home. I want it to be cozy. With the freedom I feel when everything is put away, and I can walk through my beautiful home without wincing. I can't wait to experience that again. I love my home and I want to take care of it." I would break those up into chunks, or write it as a paragraph in your journal.

An Affirmation that Worked


Let me give you an example of how that worked for me. There's a woman I know who liked to inspire her people to declutter and clean, so that they can make room for the best versions of themselves and their lives.

But since I have chronic fatigue syndrome, I run out of fuel long before I have cleaned the house from top to bottom. I have moments of tidying up, but sometimes a day or two goes by before I get to it. And I can never dedicate a whole day to cleaning and tidying, because they next day, I would pay for that in painful, not-get-out-of-bed kinds of ways.

So I often felt regret when I read this woman's posts, because I couldn't do what she talked about doing. But in a conversation on her page, someone else mentioned that her motivation was to make things look cozy and lived in. I responded to her about how important that is to me, too, and that I could work with the idea of isolating the cozy.

Immediately, I got up and tidied up a bit in my room and then, in our family room. The next day, I cleared off two counters so that the area where my son and sit to watch TV would be the easy focus of that room & not the clutter.

Now I ask myself if it's cozy, and what needs to be cleaned or moved so that it will be. If I can do it, I do it right then. If not, it is on my list for the next time I can. And I've appointed my son chief scrubber for the harder tasks (he is the bottle washer already), so it is now easier to feel good about the way my house looks.

Based on my standards.

My affirmations were about how good cozy feels. And what is important in the room. What feels good to walk in and see, etc.

How could you use affirmations in moments like that, for things you have to do over and over again that you'd rather not do.

What dreams could affirmations support?

See you tomorrow!

Love, Jeanine

12 Comments
Nita link
1/16/2019 02:08:14 pm

Great way of saying, "do what you can, and create your own expectations." Having a cozy home is more important than a spotless one. I feel uncomfortable when I walk into someone's home and it looks like a showroom home. A cozy home on the other hand is welcoming and inviting.

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Jeanine Byers link
1/16/2019 08:14:19 pm

Thanks, Nita! That's a good point about not wanting to have a showplace.

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Roy A Ackerman, PhD, EA link
1/16/2019 05:23:00 pm

Or, you could employ that affirmation ONLY when you know it makes sense. If you are doing crossword puzzles (and have figured out that they get harder each progressive day of the week), don't do the Sunday one saying I'm the smartest gal on the block. Use that on Monday's. When you get better, say it on Tuesday's, too.
Et, voila...
They will work and affirm

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Jeanine Byers link
1/16/2019 08:15:23 pm

Ah! Great advice. It does help if you have the truth on your side.

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Martha link
1/16/2019 07:38:02 pm

I like your affirmation on tidying up a house. I will never have a spotlessly clean home but I am going through room by room to declutter. It will take some time because I get side tracked but it will get done. In the meantime, I have the front room all organized and it looks great! (in my eyes anyway) I feel like I'm taking baby steps but will get it done!

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Jeanine Byers link
1/16/2019 08:16:52 pm

Same here; I can only take baby steps. It does help to declutter, and I have loved the feeling of freshness every time I have done it, but those times were few and far between. :)

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Daria link
1/16/2019 09:23:55 pm

Incremental progress definitely adds up when it comes to cleaning and decluttering. I am glad you found a way that works for you without putting your health in jeopardy. After all, you are putting in the work to have a cosy place so it's only right that you should get to enjoy it.

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Jeanine Byers link
1/17/2019 08:37:15 pm

Oh, I love that, Daria!! If I am going to put the work in, I deserve to get to enjoy it. :)

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abigail link
1/16/2019 11:00:29 pm

I guess it’s all about the positivity. I am blessed and I am grateful - that works for me because I know that no matter what is happening in my life...I am still blessed :)

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Jeanine Byers link
1/17/2019 08:38:06 pm

I'm so glad that works for you! That's great, Abigail. :)

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ginia
1/17/2019 07:14:46 am

Hey! very well written. I just cant seem to get any affirmations to work today however hard I try. Also if is so difficult to trust peoe these days. All of this is giving me a really hard time :(

Reply
Jeanine Byers link
1/17/2019 08:40:21 pm

I am sorry to hear that, Ginia!! I say, give yourself the day off. Be kind to yourself and see if it's better after a good night's sleep. I sometimes find that no matter what I try to tell myself, if I am having a bad day, it's just not going to work. So I try again the next day. (((hugs)))

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    Jeanine Byers

    Lifestyle blogger & hygge hermit who will help you conquer mornings & create a slower, more family-present lifestyle in a single bound.

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